'Til Death Do Us Part....and Then What??

I had my very first flying lesson on Saturday. As if that wasn't nerve-wracking enough in itself, my husband is my instructor. It's not that he's a bad instructor...quite the opposite, he's EXECELLENT!! Thus far I had strongly resisted having both my husband and I in the same plane while our son waits expectantly in the flight-school lunchroom. After all, should the unthinkable happen and we meet our demise, what would happen to our son? In whose care would he be placed? Who would raise him? Would all my desires and instructions for his care and upbringing be carried out?

Before going up for my first lesson, my husband and I decided the time was right for us to do what we'd been dreading...make a will and a trust for the benefit of the most important person in our lives besides eachother---our son.

Even if you are pretty sure who would "get" your children if you passed unexpectedly, it is always to your benefit to put it in writing with some form of estate planning document. After all, as with my large nutty but wonderful close-knit Italian family, you may have many different relatives who would be clamoring to take the children---isn't it lucky to be so loved by so many? But fights over custody can be NASTY, to say the least, and that nastiness can infect the extended family as well. Don't leave it to your grief-stricken relatives who would have to deal with losing you. Put your desires in writing AFTER, of course, discussing this monumental decision with the person(s) to whom you will be entrusting your precious babies.

Even if your family is not large and not close, widen your scope to consider close friends. It is always better to leave instructions designating a specific person(s) to care for your children. You do not want your children relegated to the cold, labrynthine foster care system. That should be the absolute last resort for a child who finds himself in the devastating situation of having lost both his parents.

And be specific about what you wish for your children. For example, not only did we leave our son to the care and custody of my sister and her husband, we also left strict instructions that he is not to be given a car until he is 18, and then only if he is working and going to school. We also left instructions that my son's religious studies are to continue.


And of course, very little candy and NO soda. Hey, my rules are my rules.